For the Man…… Thoughts and Perspectives……
The first time you actually come and meet a lady in a foreign land, what should you plan for?. What should you expect? How should you act? What should you say? How do you speak to her in another language? Should you meet her alone or with a friend or interpreter? Should I show her photos of my stuff? Should I give her an expensive gift? What should we do together at the first meeting? What kind of flowers would she like? The first time we meet, should we kiss, shake hands or hug? And last…… Confusing emotions and feelings with words before we meet face to face…….. There are too many subjects to try and cover here including culture, table manners, superstitions, drinking alcohol, which hand to toast with and why, who should pour, what not to do, meeting her family, offensive statements, joking, teasing and more. Be very careful in these areas of conduct, they can cause a great deal of misunderstanding and more.
Knowledge Builds Strength and Confidence…….
There are many questions and uncertainties the very first time you meet any woman face to face, but that first hello with a woman born and raised in Ukraine will truly be a life experience you won’t forget. Here is this pretty girl who you’ve written to, spoke to on the phone, chatted with,watched each other on video, sent text messages and more……… Finally, you found the time and reason to come and visit a woman in a foreign land.For the men who are doing this for this first time, it can be a real Life Adventure! But, like anything else that we do in life, there are a few details to know beforehand to help make our adventure a success. Empower yourself with knowledge and you will know anything inlife is possible……
Establishing Honesty in Not An Option……
As in any relationship, personal or business, a foundation of honesty needs to be established. This applies to both men and women. If you’re communicating with a woman over the Internet living just down the street or around the world, determining a persons honesty is just about impossible. Trust and honesty is earned by actions and deeds with a great deal of time. Sometimes years, sometimes minutes. Communicating on the Internet with trust takes a gigantic leap of faith in the person you are communicating with. It’s the same for the first meeting and the days that follow for both of you. The need to establish honesty and trust is not an option, it’s the difference between success and failurein everything we do.
Our First Meeting Four and a Half Years Ago……
Thethoughts you are about to read are from my experiences in life spanning58 years. I will also share the experiences of many others who write medaily and meet us in person in Nikolaev, Ukraine. It was five and a half years ago when I decided to begin searching for thewoman of my dreams; thank God she found me! Her name is Larisa. We livelife to the fullest while we enjoy each day together teaching Englishand helping friends around the world. After we met on the Internet andcommunicated for 4 months, we met face to face at the Odessa airport inApril, 2007. I remember that first meeting like it was minutes ago. If Icould go back in time, I would only wish that I knew then what I knowtoday.
Conversation is Ask, Answer and Ask……
The first timeyou meet face to face, just be yourself. Don’t worry about anything butwhat you want to say. Keep it simple and plan to just find a level ofcomfort as you both make eye contact and get to know each other. Thelady you are coming to meet will be nervous, just like you. She will bejust as concerned, worried and nervous as you. That’s a good thing. Tryto stay away from subjects that are too complicated. Save that foranother day. Think about subjects you both have in common. Ask, answerand ask. I teach conversation skills everyday to students learningEnglish. As you ask and she answers, listen to her answers and choose afew key word subjects. Again, ask, answer and ask. It’s also a good ideato write yourself a few thoughts about what you might discuss. Subjectslike the movies, food, travel and jobs are probably something youdiscussed or wrote about before you met in person. Ask about things todo in her city. What are the sights she has never had the chance to seeor visit?
Now the Clock Starts Over……
Be very aware ofphysical contact and her reaction. You two have just met for the firsttime and even simple things like holding hands might feel awkward.Remember that getting to know someone takes time. It’s possible to havethat chemistry from the very beginning, but the odds are that realchemistry will not materialize the first day or two. You will both begetting to know each other little by little. Don’t be in a hurry toprove anything. The first few days is a time for both of you to get tolearn each other. The fact that you both met and communicated longdistance might mean very little when you actually meet in person.Communicating from a distance is a way to get to know some things abouteach other, but it’s impossible to actually get to know the other as aperson until you meet face to face and spend time together. The realityis that when two people meet in person even after communicating longdistance for months, THE CLOCK STARTS OVER!
Language Difference, It’s not that tough……
Languagedifference can be a hindrance or a good thing. Look at it like theglass is halfway full instead of halfway empty. Consider the fact thatmany couples who speak the same language can’t communicate and struggleto find common ground daily. Consider that most divorces begin and endwith poor communication. Sharing your thoughts, feelings and more with awoman who speaks another language, can be a real life adventure if youlet it. Larisa and I didn’t speak the same language when we first met.We both decided to learn each others language although Larisa is wayahead of me on that one. Trust me, learning Russian will be the secondtoughest thing you will ever do. We have never used an Interpreter. Fromthe start, Larisa and I agreed that we would use an ElectronicTranslator to help us communicate. There is a lot more to this. Justremember that it takes two to Tango and two to have a conversation thatmakes sense. Take one step at a time and you will soon speathe samelanguage.
Meeting for the First Time……
Meeting face to facefor the very first time should be done with an Interpreter or a friendof the lady you are meeting. This is for many reasons. Just rememberthat after the first meeting, both of you can decide to meet alone orwith help. If you meet alone, it’s a good idea to use an ElectronicTranslator and have a phone handy to contact a friend just in casesomething needs clarification. If you do need an Interpreter, justremember to speak directly to the lady you came to meet, not directly tothe Interpreter. Many men and women make the mistake of speaking to theInterpreter and telling her to tell the other what I said sort ofroutine. A good Interpreter will give you instructions before you havetoo much to say and translate exactly what you are trying to say. Thereare occasions where the Interpreter will offer advice to you. This is OKas long as it is limited in time and scope.
Photos and The First Gift……
Meetinga woman for the first time will give you both plenty to discuss. Leavethe photos at home or your hotel room. A real woman will just want toget to know you for who you are, not what you own. Showing off your homeand automobiles will often send a mixed signal to the lady. She mightthink you are bragging or trying to convince her that you have stuffthat she might like instead of just liking you. Often, a woman can beresentful and feel inferior to you because you have a lot of things thatshe doesn’t. If you decide to show her your stuff anyway, do it laterdown the road and definitely, not the first time you meet. Gifts shouldalways be simple and inexpensive. A gift with a maximum value of aboutten dollars like a souvenir from home, possibly a pair of earringsshould do the trick. It’s not what you gave her, it’s the fact that youremembered her.
Flowers and A Box of Chocolates……
Giving herflowers and a box of chocolates is also a great way to show you care forthat first meeting. Remember that a simple box of chocolates from yourhometown will most likely be something new to her. Flowers can also be anice way to say hello for the first time. Any flowers would be nice,but roses are usually the flowers of choice. Three or five would be agood number to start with, red or pink is fine. Remember to always giveodd numbers. Even numbered bouquets symbolize death or a funeral. Onered rose is fine after you have met a few times and you both know thereis chemistry between you. One red rose symbolizes love, so only give herone rose if you are sure she is the one.
Pleased to meet you……
Meetingfor the first time should be respectful and sincere. In most cases, asimple handshake and hello is the best way to introduce yourself for thefirst time. Do not over do it by insisting on a kiss or hug the veryfirst time. If you’ve communicated for some time before you met her faceto face, often a person can have feelings or emotions that somehow seemreal. This can be the first indication that you are one of the luckyones or your sixth sense just kicked in. It’s best to reserve anyemotions or feelings that you might have. Take it slow and if both ofyou make it past the first meeting, anything is possible.
With regards,
Billgreen54...
