Дураццькі жарти

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position. An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in

a street cafe watching the crowd.

Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building.

Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person. "They have multiplied" said the biologist. "Oh no, an error in measurement" the physicist sighed. "If exactly one person enters the building now,

it will be empty again" the mathematician concluded. REPLYING TO AN INVITATION TO A SCIENTIST'S BALL Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm. Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend. Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.

Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research. Ohm resisted the idea at first. Boyle said he was under too much pressure. Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience. Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam. Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco. Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it. Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency. Schroedinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he? Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out. Descartes said he'd think about it. Newton was moved to attend. Pavlov was drooling at the thought. Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.         (credit: School of Physics, University of Sydney) get close enough for all practical purposes!"